Liquid Sky

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I am happy to announce that I am finally starting to cope with my living-so-far-away-from-all-the-people-I-love and kicking homesickness in the.. face. Just before I go home, of course, but you have to understand – that’s the way I am, always deciding to struggle at the last moment. But at least I decide to do something about it and I don’t mourn about my past and I don’t mumble stupid excuses all the time, instead of.. you know, doing something. ‘Cause we all agree, my dearest, on top of the world, you get nothing done.
Since I have one more assignment before I finish off the semester, I am planning on writing in English for a while. It’s been easier to express my feeling and thoughts that way for quite some time now, and also, practice makes perfect and I can’t continue writing “English is not my first language” on my assignment reflection papers.
Through the last day, I got two very valuable opinions from my friends about a situation that annoyed me quite a lot.. Yeah, I actually have friends and they actually try to understand my mistakes, my troubles and to talk to me about them. Anyway, I won’t be writing about that again (my oh my, we already ended up with a song to say goodbye. so go save someone else.), I just wanted to thank my-coffee-mate and my-lindt-with-orange-friend, you know who you are :P.
I have always tried to grab my past and not let it go and it seems that I have tied myself to things that hold me back more than I have the strength to pull. I tried to explain that to myself by using my emotions as a scape-goat, but, you know, emotions are present and future, not past. The past emotions are actually memories. And what do we get from memories, my dear friends ? What do we get from history ? We learn how to avoid previous mistakes, we understand the concepts of ourselves and the world around us and get a clearer view on our future. So when I played Here in my Room about an hour ago, I was so surprised about the way that it sounded, I was so amazed of the missing string to my past, that I fell in love with the song once again and it somehow didn’t hurt. Can you guess to what I’m listening right now ? Wheeeen the night falls down I want you, dj, please, take me away.. and even though I am actually thinking about that night and about him, it doesn’t bother my breathing :P.
So I let go. Once again. Because I realized that it’s just not me anymore, that tiny shadow that stared at invisible things. Not that I have had any regrets, you know – they only hurt. I’m just tired of justifying myself for a ghost. For every ghost of my past.
Anyway, I updated my Expo Site a couple of minutes ago. It was kinda funny how I wrote about my arrival here, my accommodation, my first lectures, timetables and my struggle with the library facilities. It seems that it has been an year and it hasn’t been even three whole months. But if I have to calculate the time according to the experience that I’ve gathered.. I would call it an year, definitely. :P Can you believe that I actually have more points on my International Politics assignment than every other person on my seminar ? Despite the discussions in which I couldn’t say exactly what I mean or when all of them acted as they know everything about everything, despite the time that they’ve had to prepare themselves and.. Ok, I’m not trying to be a bitch right now, but I think I really deserve a ‘congrats’ :P.
Oh. The smell of clementines and cold wind keeps reminding me that Christmas is so close. I hate bad weather and I hate when my feet are wet and I hate when getting dressed and undressed takes so much time, but.. Christmas! Now we’re talking. I can’t wait to go to Cardiff, I’ll buy everyone a present and I’ll ice-skate and I’ll smile and be happy and not think about bullshit comments about my lovely personality, in spite of the date. And I definitely won’t send that card.
And the good news: I can finally work! So no more budget problems and no more worries. I just have to find a proper and nice job in a cute little cafe’ and I’ll be the happiest person, I promise. Did I mention that my sunshine is probably going to live in London ? Oh, such a pity that I didn’t give up on love, is it :P.. Such a pity that I didn’t turn out to be a slut, or a bitch or whatever, isn’t it, you sucker ?
Anyway, back to my nice-face: I am listening to music in a proper way, once again, and it is just a matter of time for me to start reading again and I’ll use the library facilities for that, I promise :D..
And so.. I guess that’s pretty much everything that’s happening to me these days and I’m sure that pretty soon I’ll have a depression state once again, but you have to be sure, I.. well, you know it. And I know it. It’s December, by the way, enjoy yourselves.
And if someone wants to know something more, they just ask.